Weight Loss...... Or not!

Weight Loss.....Or not that's what I say and often. I am 54 and I have spent much of my life worrying about my weight. I was not big when I was younger until I turned five , I started to gain weight and no one really knew why, As a child my weight so had a huge effect on my life and the effects continue until today.
I let my weight hold me back from doing so much with my life, but bullying was the start of this.

You name it and I have been called it in the past. I have heard every "fat" joke going. I was very lonely but I had a some friends which stuck by me. I always wanted a boyfriend and I used to think if only a boy would see past my weight, he would see how fun I am.

Even when I got older I did lose weight and at one point got really thin, but i thought I was still fat. I was lucky I found my husband and even if in my eyes I was fat he thought I was beautiful. I remember my wedding day and being totally worried I was looking fat. I look at those pictures now and see I was nothing of the kind.

Over the years I have been big and also tiny but as I have got older its got harder to maintain a good weight.
To add to my problems I have very bad arthritis which has limited my mobility. I used to enjoy my fitness classes but that's all stopped now. These days I spend most of my time at home and life can be very lonely and hard. I put on a brave face but at times I am very sad. I told my doctor just yesterday that its a good thing I am upbeat as it could make some people look for a way out.

Two years ago I took the decision to have a gastric band. I thought it would totally change my life and I was so excited. Sadly even though I lost some weight it was not the life changing amount I needed. The band fail also added to my sense of fail . I have failed as a person yet again. They sell these bands as the cure of all and you can be slim. Never are you told that they may not work and if I had been more aware of this I may not have gone ahead with the operation.

So I fight on I want to say don't judge me on how I look. I eat very healthy food and I do not sit and eat all day. I can little to no fitness so what I eat does not burn off. However, I am a good person, I am happy and I think I am a good wife and mother. I am kind and will help anyone who needs it. I am a talented crafter and  I love to use my computer and much much more.

I am more than fat I am a person I AM JILL