Where did I go?

Where did I go? Where did Jill stop and Kevin's wife, Matthew and Natalie's mum begin? I have been married 34 years this year and to be honest I have no idea where time or where I went. I have spent most of my life worrying about my weight. I look back now and see I was far from overweight but I was convinced I was. I was so envious of my friend her of the the long legs that went up to her arm pits. Her of the waist length golden hair that moved with a sway as she walked.

I let my lack of confidence hold me back from doing so much and I let some huge opportunities slip me past.
Then I met Kevin and he loved me as I was and life as a couple began. I knew he loved me as I was but still I held onto those old hang ups.
Then came the kids and my weight went up and down, but mostly I was slim but once again my life was controlled by my mind.

I have had success but only short term. Let me tell you I must have spent a fortune on weight loss books and DVD's and diets. My daughter tells me to live my life and not worry but that is not easy to do. I live with constant pain and I know if i were lighter I would have a much easier life.
I not sure I ever really knew then or now who I am. Am I the serial dieter is that what defines my life. I hope not because that would be rather sad. So I will keep trying and I will never stop being Kevin's life or Matthew and Natalie's mum because that is the most important.

I hope when its time for me to head off to heaven I will not leave a marker saying
"Serial Dieter" because I hope my life has a lot more than that.

Where did I go? I'm right here