Friday 29 May 2015

The Prompt: FEAR






Fear ..... its a good word because fear can have many meanings. Fear for that great ghost movie or fear of that huge spider on the wall and so on.

For me fear has an altogether meaning. My life has been a big fear of myself. I have had weight issues since I was around 5 years old. Not from eating really as I always had a healthy diet, my body just (and still does) fights with me on weight. It turned me into the girl with no confidence and the girl who wasted life dreaming of being slim. Heck even when I was slim I still thought I was overweight.

The years of the school bullies who made my life hell with the constant jabs about my weight made me the person I am today. Until 1994 i was slim and fit but then bad health seemed to slip in and when it did life soon changed.
I gained a huge amount of weight and this weight had knock on effects in all areas. The weight made the pain issues hard but not moving also makes them hard. So you are between a rock and a hard place.

I have always had a fear of stepping out there and showing my real feelings. I put on a great act as a confident person when under it all my little feet are flying!
You would think at my age I would say " so what" and get on with life but its so hard to break away from that locked box.

Just a week ago I was on holiday and we walked past the gym. It was full of young men and women with lovely bodies all working out. It struck me just how much I used to enjoy that and how darn sad I was that I could not do it anymore. I stood there like a big twit and cried I guess I was crying for the slim me and the one who had so much time to do stuff.

There is a saying about what to tell you 16 yr old self ........

Dear Gillian

By the time you read this you will be older, you will have a grown up family of two beautiful children who you love more and more each day. You will also have two beautiful grandchildren who love with all your heart.

You must enjoy each day and not live in fear of what may happen.
You need to live for today and not live in the past.
Forget years gone and concentrate on whats to come.
Stop being scared to show the real you.
You are a kind and sensitive person and a lovely person.
Tell yourself every day just those facts and feel no fear!





12 comments :

  1. There is nothing that can hold us back in our lives quite as effectively as fear. Bullies really don't help (I had similar experiences growing up!) but the most malicious voices I think are often the ones in our heads... It would be wonderful to actually be able to communicate with our younger selves and pass on all that we've learnt. Ah for the benefit of hindsight!

    ReplyDelete
  2. So true ! Ive let gear hold me back and in the end who won .... The bullies

    ReplyDelete
  3. "You need to live for today and not live in the past."
    Sound advice!
    I was bullied at school so you have my sympathies. Big hugs X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think so too but its not always that easy is it lol

      Delete
  4. Great post. Ah yes, if only we could tell our younger selves what we know now. Is there anything better than grandbabies??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you darlene so true. And yes grandbabies are fab xx

      Delete
  5. I love that letter to your sixteen year old self. I think everybody should live by that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think Sophie is right in that often the worst voices, the ones fueling the fear the most, are our own. Sound advice to your 16 year old self, live for today and feel no fear. Thank you so much for sharing with #ThePrompt x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true sara i wish i had heard myself at 16 lol .

      Delete
  7. Wow, that packed a powerful punch; and I don't think you were being silly for crying you were being yourself and letting the fear out so you could confront it, which you're doing now. There is nothing to hold us back more than fear. The letter is so very true - look to the future, as this is what you can change
    #ThePrompt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you tracy when i wrote that post it came from the heart! I will be trying to take my own advice lol

      Delete

I am always delighted when people take time to leave me a comment...thanks so much